Vee is for Violet

So many times in life, we find ourselves or people we love in situations where we aren’t necessarily sure what to do or how to help. Today’s blog is written for anyone who has an experience you or someone you love being affected by an abusive relationship. Whether it be a personal experience or that of someone you love or are close to, this blog may offer some insights and perspectives to help you through.

As many of you know, January’s theme is Violet. Our new violet nail, Vee is for Violet, is named after our dear friend, Vee.  Her story is heavy and her words are powerful. Read her advice below.

 
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“I don’t know if this blog will add anything new to the discussion around abuse, but I hope that if you’re in a bad situation that you feel loved an supported by me and all of the team at Red Aspen. Whether or not you are in a bad situation, I hope you know that you are loved and you are enough. 

When Jesse told me they were naming a product after me, I was speechless – I don’t really consider myself extra-inspiring. However, I love that the way this is happening makes the Vee is for Violet nail dashes about something bigger than me.  It is about us; people who deserve better out of relationships.  It is no coincidence that the color violet has been following me my entire life – some say I have an overactive 7th chakra (I say it’s just the right amount of active, thank you very much), but I think violet is a thought provoking and quietly powerful color.  The fierce energy of red and the calm of blue put together in a color that expresses creativity.  It is also no surprise to me that many anti-abuse organizations (including the one the helped me) use purple and violet in their logo. Violet is a balance and compromise, two very important things in relationships with other people and oneself.  Next time you wear violet, I hope you feel like part of a community – one that loves you and sees your value.

Years ago, I escaped an abusive relationship. The questions “how did this happen to me” or “why did I let this happen” are common threads to people that have been in harmful relationships.  I don’t know if I’m intelligent enough to give sweeping and definitive answers to these questions, but I do know about my experiences.  

 

To those of you who are in a situation of your own – do not let yourself become isolated.  You are not alone and you have an army of people waiting to help you as best as they can.  Here is a good list of state resources to give you a place to start, but you will need to do more research if you live in a rural community.

 

Here are a few “if” statements to consider:

  • If you are not at liberty to click on the link above at your home, I recommend finding a way to get to a local library or researching during your working hours. Your boss will understand.

    Pro Tip: If you use Google Chrome, the “Incognito Mode” function will open a browser where all of your browsing history and cookies will be deleted once you close the window. 

  • If you have a trustworthy friend or acquaintance, you can have them broker discussions with an organization and help make arrangements for you.

  • If none of these “if’s” fit your situation, remember that you are capable enough to find your own solutions.  Please prioritize your safety and your life.  Talk to those you trust about what is happening and make something work – everything is at stake

 

Recovery

Abuse in every form needs recovery, but it can be so hard to define what “abuse” is because it can take so many forms. If you look up “types of abuse” most resources will list at least 6.  I personally like the following website for a quick summary of abuses done by one person to another.  

Abuse is centered around power and control. I think that means something different to everyone. Part of my recovery involved taking power and control of my life back into my hands.

Here is how I rediscovered myself:

  •  Let your friends back into your life, or make some new awesome ones.

  • Be artistic – this doesn’t mean you have to be good!  Odds are you have danced, painted, written a poem or sung in a long time, you’re out of practice.  Use art to get out frustration, create something silly or beautiful, and get to know that child-like part of you. You won’t know what that child needs until you get some beads in your hand or you start swaying to a funky beat. Don’t limit yourself to “art” as it is defined in the dictionary – make-up, clothes, gardening, the sky is the limit!

  • Talk to a professional that “gets” you.  They’ll help you with trust.  

  • Help others.  This is the fastest way to help yourself.  Just like I don’t know how “power” gets held hostage, I don’t know how helping others feeds your soul, but it does. Help a neighbor rake leaves, volunteer at a festival, mentor a child in need, read to the elderly, or share something you love with someone who has always wanted to learn.

  • Be proud of yourself, then be kind. If it helps, I’m very proud of you.

 
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